Thank God you’re all right.
God. Yeah. Let’s thank God, shall we? For his blessings are raining down upon me. Wait! That’s not rain!
Bruce, please don’t do that, honey. You know that everything happens for a reason.
That I don’t need. That is a cliche. That is not helpful to me.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I have no bird. I have no bush.
God has taken my bird and my bush.
Oh, I see. So… so God is picking on you, is that what you’re saying?
No. He’s ignoring me completely. He’s far too busy giving Evan everything he wants.
Oh, that’s great, Sam, but you missed your target.
I’m over here!
Don’t get mad at the dog. It’s not the dog’s fault.
No. It’s God’s fault. He gave him the wrong coordinates.
All right. You know what? Enough. All right? Will you stop being such a martyr?
I am not being a martyr. I’m a victim.
God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I’m the ant.
He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to, but he’d rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm!
Alright, Sweetheart, I know that you’re mad. It’s completely understandable.
What Evan did is slimy and wrong, but this day could’ve been so much worse. I’m just glad you’re okay.
Okay? News flash! I’m not okay.
I’m not okay with a mediocre job! I’m not okay with a mediocre apartment. I’m not okay with a mediocre life!
So is that what you think that we have? A mediocre life?
Don’t make this about you.
About me? How could I make this about me?
It’s about you! It’s always about you!
Perfect. Perfect.
I’ll have the worst day of my life with a side order of guilt, please!
