But I’m not wholly without heart. How about a nice soothing cigarette?

Puff…fff… Pfft. Pugh! Ack!

Ugh…ohhh I will not do this. I cannot!

Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die!

I don’t want to get beak cancer.

No! My lungs are blackened! Help me…

Here we go again. Cut, cut, cut! Roll it back.

What are you doing? Daniel… That line is not in the script. Why did you add it?

Well, I thought I should comment on the situation.

What situation?

The fact that Pudgie the Parrot has a cigarette shoved into his mouth is morally irresponsible.

This is a cartoon, okay.

This is not a friggin’ Oprah Winfrey Special.

Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon.

It’s like sending each one of them a packet of cigarettes and saying, “Light up.”

You can’t put words in Pudgie’s mouth if his mouth isn’t moving.

Well, it’s voice-over. It’s an interior monologue. Maybe even the voice of God. That’s even better.

Don’t Pudgie, don’t smoke.

Actors.

What? Let’s ask the technicians.

Do you think it’s morally right to promote smoking to the youth of America?

They’re biased. That’s a mistrial.

Daniel, listen to me.

This session costs the studio thousands. Now, if you want a paycheck, you stick to the script. If you want to play Gandhi, then do it on somebody else’s time.

Then I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do.

That’s very funny. Where the hell are you going?

Hey, listen buddy. I’ll tell you something if you leave, you’re not comin’ back in.

I’m not takin’ any crap from you, pal.

Well, in the words of Porky Pig: Pi…pi…pi…pi…pi– Pi…pi…pi…pi..pi..pi…… Piss off, Lou.