So, it is down to you and it is down to me.
If you wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward.
Let me explain.
There’s nothing to explain.
You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.
Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?
There will be no arrangement, and you’re killing her.
Well, if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
I’m afraid so.
I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.
You’re that smart?
Let me put it this way.
Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Yes.
Morons.
Really?
In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
For the Princess?
To the death?
I accept.
Good, then pour the wine.
Inhale this, but do not touch.
I smell nothing.
What you do not smell is called iocane powder.
It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.
All right.
Where is the poison?
The battle of wits has begun.
It ends when you decide, and we both drink and find out who is right and who is dead.
But it’s so simple.
All I have to do is divine from what I know of you.
Are you the sort of man that would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s?
Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given.
I’m not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
But you must have known I was not a great fool.
You would’ve counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
You’ve made your decision, then?
Not remotely.
Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Wait till I get going.
Where was I?
Australia.
Yes. Australia.
And you must have suspected I would have known the powder’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
You’re just stalling now.
You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?
You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could’ve put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
But you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must’ve studied, and in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would’ve put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
You’re trying to trick me into giving away something.
It won’t work.
It has worked!
You’ve given everything away. I know where the poison is.
Then make your choice.
I will, and I choose… What in the world can that be?
What? Where?
I don’t see anything.
Oh well, I… I could’ve sworn I saw something.
No matter.
What’s so funny?
I’ll tell you in a minute.
First, let’s drink, me from my glass and you from yours.
You guessed wrong.
You only think I guessed wrong. That’s what’s so funny.
I switched glasses while your back was turned!
Ha-ha you fool!
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders.
The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this.
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
Ah ha ha ha…
[falls over dead]
